Living in the shadow

All my life I have been a pretty shy kid. If you met me I probably wouldn’t even have spoken a word with you. Not because I didn’t like you or because I had a bad day, simply because I was always too shy, too scared to open my mouth. Some people might have even thought that I was impolite. As I grew up, teachers or any other adults always said that this behaviour would change or that it HAS to change because I have to raise my hand or hold a presentation in front of the class. When I had to order myself a pizza in the restaurant, I was already stressed out. My quietness in class was considered as a bad thing and I felt like I was being attacked, I took it really personally.

You need to know that I was always an active kid, always running around, never standing still what was a good thing for PE class. But ever since I started going to Highschool, things changed. I was intimidated by all the other students, I mean there were so many. In my old school, we were only 12 kids and it felt nice having only this small group of people around me.
In Highschool we played a lot of team games (football, basketball etc.) I wasn’t in my comfort zone at all. Sure you need to get out of your comfort zone from time to time or maybe as often as possible but growing up, being a teenager, dealing with mean people, having all that body changing and your hormones that make you feel like a crazy stupid girl at times is freaking damn hard. So when you’re a really shy kid and have to run around in front of so many people, being yelled at by the PE teacher, maybe disappointing your other teammates when you make a mistake…..I froze. I just stood on the field. Ultimately, the outcome was a bad grade in PE. It’s embarrassing.
If you get a bad grade in math, you’re considered a cool kid anyways, if you get a bad grade in PE, you’re a loser.
So you can imagine, my confidence got really tramped on in school.

During all these Highschool years I learned a lot about myself though, most importantly that I’m not the loser kid: who can’t get a good grade in PE because she’s too scared to move, who can’t talk to people she doesn’t know, who is even too shy to say something even if it’s funny because other people might think that it wasn’t funny at all etc. etc. etc.
I knew I had to change sth in order that I would feel better about myself, since I always felt like such a loser in any of those situations.
Well, I did my best. I even went to drama class when I was about 15 years old. So I had to talk to people, I had to talk while a lot of eyes were focused on me. And it did help, I wasn’t feeling that confident but hey: I survived;)

Now I know, I am an introverted person. Teachers, Adults, anyone basically always was cheering for the extroverts which made me feel bad and a little less confident every day.

During my last teenage years I have grown more and more confident. I met some really empowering people that made me see what I could be, who I could be. That I have to embrace my strengths and my weaknesses to display the whole “me”.
I have flaws in my personality, in my looks. But hey, who doesn’t? I’m me, you are you. We only exist one time in this world. Why do we let other people take power over ourselves, let them degrade us, make us live in the shadow? Just because we aren’t living up to their expectations , to what is considered normal?

I’m so grateful to have an awesome family who always makes me feel like a princess, to have nice friends with whom I can be myself, the real me. Not the person that you might see when you first meet me, but the crazy, singing, dancing around – me. Every day I try to be this person that I am behind closed doors in public. I won’t allow myself to hide in the shadow anymore, I try not be embarrassed for things that I do or say because in the end, people don’t really care about it anyways. I want to put myself out there, showing people what I love doing and inspiring others to do it likewise.

Introverted people are often overlooked, misunderstood, maybe bullied. As already mentioned, I was embarrassed to be introverted, as it was considered a weak personality. I’ve learned that introverted people have a very loud mind and are able to create great things. They just need some time alone from time to time but this should never be considered as a weakness. Introverts come up with great ideas during their alone-time. So don’t let anybody else tell you otherwise. I hope that no ones loses their trust in themselves as I did when I was younger. We are all great in our quirky, weird way!

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Click to see this: Outfit post

 

 

Here is a very informative post about being an introvert by a very beautiful young woman: What is an introvert?

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Author: Laura

Just a 22 year old vegan who lives in Germany with dog and boyfriend, studies dentistry, loves coffee and who shares her random thoughts on life, posts about Fashion and books. Enjoy :D

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